Tuesday, November 4, 2008

A Dose of Reality on Election Day

The following was posted today on the Sagebrush Saloon forum by L. Tecolote:

How Politics Really Works
A Realistic (if Cynical) Guide for the Aspiring Modern Politician
  • Most of what you (and everyone else) have been told – at school, in the media, and most of all, by politicians – is false. But you already understand this, or you would not aspire to politics.
  • Economics 101: For nothing … you get nothing. Promise much. Deliver what you must. Break your opponents’ eggs to make your omelet.
  • Politics 101: If your constituents don’t have a problem, you have a problem: without problems, who needs politicians?
  • Politics 102: There is almost no political profit from keeping promises. Getting elected is all about promising "more," always at the expense of "someone else." The profit to the politician is an immediate increase in power from a lavish promise which will only be "kept someday" (if ever.) Since sheeple are blind to the loss of their own power, and since they refuse to believe that they are the “someone else,” they can be "re-lied" (to/upon) almost indefinitely.
  • Politics 103: When the king has rape on his mind, he wants all asses bare. Politics means getting the sheeple to pull down their own knickers and bend over in the belief that they will be better off for it.
  • Remember the “Golden Rule”: Who has the gold makes the rules (and hires/fires politicians.) Don’t forget who you’re really working for. As the world’s second oldest profession, politics bears many similarities to the oldest, but you won’t spend as much time on your back.
  • Don’t expect to rise in politics and remain clean. The guys with the gold won’t invest in you unless they hold some embarrassing (career-ending) collateral.
  • No useful falsehood is really a lie unless you can be penalized for uttering it. A constituency which strives to get away with as much thievery and mischief as it can, will excuse an almost infinite amount of the same in its politicians.
  • Moral people are hard to rule – structure your programs to play to the larceny of your constituents. Agitate for laws that must be broken to be survived.
  • Don’t sweat anyone’s confusion but your own, and don’t con yourself about what you want. In times of great confusion, the politician whose goals are clear can generally get what he/she wants.
  • Nobody is so utterly useless that he/she cannot be utilized as a horrible example.
  • Cultivate a few knowledgeable friends who themselves have such acquaintances, as can be relied on to unbidden, proactively execute the occasionally necessary clandestine task, quietly, efficiently, and without fanfare, (or acknowledgement, for that matter.) Keep the need for such services as low as possible, especially early in your career, but never forget that your opponents have similar contacts.
  • Since their capacity to cause new harm is at an end, dead politicians are easier to love than living ones. Let your heirs proclaim your sainthood. If you would be a politician, pursue power. If you want to be loved, be a firefighter.

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